%% date:: [[2023-08-31]] parent:: %% # [[Boundaries]] In a [[Relationships|relationship]], boundaries are [[Limits]] that you impose on yourself. Communicating your boundaries to others is a way to tell them what you will and will not [[Consent]] to do. Unlike [[Rules]], a boundary is more internal than external. While a boundary may necessarily restrict what someone can do, it only does so in as far as that act relates to you and your autonomy. Unlike [[Agreements]], a boundary is unilateral. Others can agree to respect your boundary, but that promise is separate from the existence of your boundary in the first place. Setting boundaries is essential to any [[Relationships|relationship]], but particularly intimate ones. ## Characteristics of healthy boundaries ### Clarity A good boundary is clear. Clarity requires: - sufficient [[Introspection]] on your part, to understand what it is that you want and need - good [[Communication]] with involved parties on what you mean when you say a thing - specificity. ### Flexibility Boundaries can be purposely or accidentally broken by others. When purposeful, this transgression is abusive. However, it is also possible and even likely for accidental transgressions to occur, especially when boundaries haven't been clearly communicated. A healthy boundary is one with enough [[Play#Play in Engineering|play]] to be [[Resiliency|resilient]]. ### Nuanced Boundaries inform the basis of [[Consent]], so it's important to acknowledge that boundaries are not binary. A good model to emulate is the [[Traffic Light System for consent]]: - *Red* are things you will not do under any circumstance. - *Yellow* are things that you may want to do, under certain circumstances. - *Green* are things that you are enthusiastic about doing. ## Related - [[My Boundaries]]