%% date:: [[2023-02-25]], [[2023-04-26]], [[2023-07-31]], [[2023-08-31]], [[2023-09-01]], [[2024-01-15]] %% # [[Consent]] Consent is the explicit agreement to engage in acts beyond typical societal norms. Consent can be [[Invitation to play|invited]], negotiated, and [[Seduction|seduced]], but not forced. [[Edge play]] involves skirting the line of consent and non-consent. ## Consent models ### Contractual consent The contractual model of consent involves two key ingredients: - *The ask:* One person issues an [[Invitation to play|invitation]] to another, asking permission to do something - *The answer:* The other person says yes or no. When the answer is *yes*, and the [[Consent#Requirements for consent|other requirements for consent]] are fulfilled, then the contract is complete and the proceeding act is consensual. Contractual consent models differ on the default answer when consent has not been explicitly solicited, the degree of willingness in the answer, and how often consent must be requested. #### No means no "No means no" is the traditional consent model, and assumes that consent is present unless someone says no. This model is problematic because when people are vulnerable (such as when they're intoxicated or inexperienced), it's easier to say nothing than to say no. #### Affirmative consent Affirmative consent means "yes means yes": the opposite of "no means no". Affirmative consent is a model that assumes that there is no consent unless explicitly given. *Explicitly given consent* is useful for people interacting for the first time, and it involves [[Low-context communication]] about exactly what the parties want to do. #### Enthusiastic consent Enthusiastic consent could be summarised as "only a *strong* yes means yes". In comparison to the previous two approaches, the enthusiastic consent model increases standards for consent by requiring a higher level of certainty. It also provides a clear answer for ambiguous or less-than-enthusiastic responses: [[Hell Yeah or No|if it's not a hell yeah, it's a no]]. #### [[Traffic Light System for consent]] In the previous models, consent is treated as binary. In reality, sorting out feelings in the heat of the moment may take time, and it can be useful to communicate a preferred tempo or hesitation without having to request a full cessation of activities. In these situations, the Traffic Light system works well. It includes three different communicable stages of consent: red, yellow, and green. This system is particularly useful during [[Edge play]] and situations where [[Boundaries]] may be actively and consensually pushed. #### Ongoing consent Over time, parties that have built up a history of trust in respecting each other's boundaries can develop *rapport* and decide to give *ongoing consent*. When this happens, the parties agree not to explicitly discuss consent any longer. In these instances, [[Safewords]] are often used to veto activities. "Blanket consent" is a type of ongoing consent where the parties agree that "only no means no" and that unless a "no" is said, the other party can assume they have consent. This type of consent requires a degree of sexual experience to work well. ### Attunement model of consent [^cancelled] [[Attunement]] is a concept from [[Attachment Theory]] that describes a state of understanding a partner well enough to judge their emotional or mental state from nonverbal cues as well as verbal ones. The attunement model of consent points out some key issues with the contractual model: - Consent doesn't have to be enthusiastic to be consent. Having enthusiasm as a requirement for consent sets a very high bar for the person giving the consent. - Contractual consent places too much emphasis on verbal cues, which can sometimes be in contradiction to nonverbal cues. This is particularly problematic for trauma survivors. - The culture around contractual consent and "making consent sexy" can actually make someone feel *less* safe about saying no out of a fear of breaking the mood. - Contractual consent can present a very boolean view of consent: either an act was consensual sex, or it was sexual assault. Consent is more nuanced than that. - Explicitly asking for consent for every sex act is clunky and unerotic. - Contractual consent is based on securing a yes. - Contractual consent places the responsibility on the initiating partner. Instead, the attunement model encourages potential partners to make creating a safe space to say no their priority, and being observant and curious about each other's verbal and nonverbal cues. When partners don't know each other very well, attunement involves a higher level of the verbal component to help them understand each other. As time goes on and they learn more about each other, partners may rely more and more on nonverbal cues. Attunement matches the consent experience of most people in real relationships and is a more natural, fluid way to operate. Attunement is a two-way process, so both partners have shared responsibility for consent. Some problems with attunement are: - It's ambiguous. There is a lot of room for miscommunication, and is not recommended for edge play. - It's difficult to learn. There's no way to learn it but to get practice at doing it. - Some people are disadvantaged when it comes to learning to read others. ## Boundaries, agreements, and rules Boundaries, agreements, and rules are types of limits that should be communicated beforehand with the goal of soliciting consent for [[Edge play]] or for longer-term interactions. - [[Boundaries]] are limits that you set for yourself. Communicating them means talking about the things *you* will and will not do. - [[Agreements]] are limits that two or more people have consented to abide by. - [[Rules]] are limits that are placed on you by someone else. ## Requirements for consent ### [[Agency]] Agency is the ability to affect your circumstances. Consent doesn't mean just saying the word "yes"; it means knowing that saying "no", or withholding consent, would have the intended consequences. Agency is the [[Power]] to determine what happens to you and your body. ### Information ### Continuity ### Sobriety ## Consent in context - [[Consent in gaming]] [^cancelled]: Morrigan, C. and Lesoleil, J. (2023). [[Fucking Feelings — the Attunement Model of Consent]]