%% date:: [[2023-08-31]] parent:: %% # [[Polysecurity]] Polysecurity is a particular flavour of security that is specific to [[Polyamory|polyamorous]] relationships and people. While a sense of security within a [[Monogamy|monogamous]] relationship is also important, security within a polyamorous one adds layers of complexity and requires more thought. ## Principles of polysecurity ### You don't need to be exclusive to feel secure. The [[Monogamy|monogamous]] script would have us believe that the commitment to an exclusive relationship is the key to security within a relationship. That is, we are often conditioned to believe that something has to be *uniquely ours* before we feel we own it. In fact, security has nothing to do with ownership. Security within a relationship has to do with an acceptance of your worth and value to another person, and a feeling that they genuinely enjoy being with you regardless of how they may feel with others. ### Jealousy is about a fundamental insecurity. ### You can't make a person feel secure, but you can leave room for it to happen. ### Polysecurity takes work and compassion on all sides. ## Dealing with jealousy [^morethantwo] - Step 1. Accept the feelings. - Step 2. Separate triggers from causes. - Step 3. Understand the feelings. - Step 4. Talk about it. - Step 5. Practice security. [^morethantwo]: Veaux, F. et al. (2014). *More than two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory*. [[More Than Two|My highlights]].