# Emotionally Focused Therapy  URL:: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/emotionally-focused-therapy Author:: Psychology Today ## Highlights > Emotionally Focused [Therapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) (EFT) is a form of short-term therapy that aims to improve couple relationships by rekindling the physical and emotional bond that can get sacrificed to disappointment in a partner and alienation from them, a common dynamic in distressed couples. If there is a motto for EFT, it is: “Hold me tight.” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3ctgfepphxvn2e0n2bbqhw)) > Drawing on research supporting [attachment](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attachment) theory, the therapy regards the security of partner connection as the best lever for change in a dysfunctional relationship and a necessary source of both couple and individual growth ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cv5hfbka685hhtd3b9sm8)) > EFT is especially useful when couples arrive at counseling in emotional distress or feel so alienated they may believe that the relationship is irreparable. They may be displaying intense [anger](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anger), [fear](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear), [grief](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief), loss of trust, or a sense of betrayal in their relationship. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cvz2hbff7dnccqb90nwkt)) > It is also useful for couples and individuals who have difficulty expressing emotions or who believe that doing so is a sign of weakness. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cw580qets7q60eqf0wp19)) > Expect a course of treatment that typically consists of eight to 20 sessions held once a week. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cwhggtfxq1y2kg6e7qwmc)) > The first several sessions are typically devoted to de-escalating the emotional reactivity and distress couples experience ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cxb9tn0nwnyzm91z036cs)) > The second stage of therapy is devoted to restoring a deep emotional bond between partners. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cxfajqnagr0a12cwa5tm4)) > An EFT therapist is not just an observer but an active participant in the therapy. A very important part of the therapy is reframing such distancing behavior as anger or withdrawal not as pathology but as misguided bids for connection. That allows partners to express their deep feelings for each other and what they need from their partner. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cxp7j6mw9ccgta48jy1w0)) > Patients come to understand how their negative interaction patterns are typically related to attachment-related fears of loss. Under the direction of the therapist, they learn to openly discuss their fears, identify the attachment needs that their fears mask, and instead of distancing themselves, use their vulnerabilities to seek closeness. From that position, they can readily solve life’s problems together. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cytqp1906kw5dam1b3ebs)) --- Title: Emotionally Focused Therapy Author: Psychology Today Tags: readwise, articles date: 2024-01-30 --- # Emotionally Focused Therapy  URL:: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/emotionally-focused-therapy Author:: Psychology Today ## AI-Generated Summary Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a form of short-term therapy that aims to improve couple relationships by rekindling the physical and emotional bond that can get sacrificed to disappointment and alienation. EFT operates on the evidence that emotions are not accessories to human experience but organizing principles of our lives. It is especially useful for couples in emotional distress or who feel alienated, and for individuals who have difficulty expressing emotions or regulating them. The therapy consists of several stages, including de-escalating emotional reactivity, restoring emotional bonds, and consolidating gains made in previous sessions. EFT therapists are trained to listen empathically, reframe problems, and help couples find better ways of understanding each other. ## Highlights > Emotionally Focused [Therapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) (EFT) is a form of short-term therapy that aims to improve couple relationships by rekindling the physical and emotional bond that can get sacrificed to disappointment in a partner and alienation from them, a common dynamic in distressed couples. If there is a motto for EFT, it is: “Hold me tight.” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3ctgfepphxvn2e0n2bbqhw)) > Drawing on research supporting [attachment](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attachment) theory, the therapy regards the security of partner connection as the best lever for change in a dysfunctional relationship and a necessary source of both couple and individual growth ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cv5hfbka685hhtd3b9sm8)) > EFT is especially useful when couples arrive at counseling in emotional distress or feel so alienated they may believe that the relationship is irreparable. They may be displaying intense [anger](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anger), [fear](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear), [grief](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief), loss of trust, or a sense of betrayal in their relationship. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cvz2hbff7dnccqb90nwkt)) > It is also useful for couples and individuals who have difficulty expressing emotions or who believe that doing so is a sign of weakness. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cw580qets7q60eqf0wp19)) > Expect a course of treatment that typically consists of eight to 20 sessions held once a week. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cwhggtfxq1y2kg6e7qwmc)) > The first several sessions are typically devoted to de-escalating the emotional reactivity and distress couples experience ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cxb9tn0nwnyzm91z036cs)) > The second stage of therapy is devoted to restoring a deep emotional bond between partners. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cxfajqnagr0a12cwa5tm4)) > An EFT therapist is not just an observer but an active participant in the therapy. A very important part of the therapy is reframing such distancing behavior as anger or withdrawal not as pathology but as misguided bids for connection. That allows partners to express their deep feelings for each other and what they need from their partner. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cxp7j6mw9ccgta48jy1w0)) > Patients come to understand how their negative interaction patterns are typically related to attachment-related fears of loss. Under the direction of the therapist, they learn to openly discuss their fears, identify the attachment needs that their fears mask, and instead of distancing themselves, use their vulnerabilities to seek closeness. From that position, they can readily solve life’s problems together. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3cytqp1906kw5dam1b3ebs))