# How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Is Used ![rw-book-cover](https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/PxaCeUqldfQwuXvzQqymTDdNzCU=/2121x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/young-woman-asks-question-during-counseling-session-1189419713-984656cb4163466d943535bee5d2f598.jpg) URL:: https://www.verywellmind.com/emotionally-focused-therapy-for-distressed-couples-2303813 Author:: Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT ## Highlights > Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg developed EFT in the 1980s. The couples therapy approach is based on research about love as an attachment bond.1 ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dngkh9vgy1f6ysyn1a9kr)) > De-Escalation > The first EFT step is focused on identifying negative interaction patterns that contribute to conflict, identifying negative emotions related to attachment, and reframing those feelings. This process helps couples better see how their insecurities and fears affect their relationship. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dnqpkjsbbzgz9j5r9z9x4)) > Partners view undesirable behaviors (i.e., shutting down or angry escalations) as "protests of disconnection." Couples learn to be emotionally available, empathetic, and engaged with each other, strengthening the attachment bond and creating a safe place between them. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dp83zsebhb9164h0vh3vk)) > Restructuring > During the next stage, each partner learns to share their emotions and show acceptance and compassion for the other partner. The process attempts to reduce conflict and create a more [secure emotional bond](https://www.verywellmind.com/all-about-healthy-relationship-4774802). > Couples learn to express deep, underlying emotions from a place of vulnerability and ask for their needs to be met. This step also helps partners become more responsive to each other’s needs. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dpe6mt21nfpv0phja8rq1)) > Consolidation > During the last step, a therapist helps the couple work on new communication strategies and practice skills when interacting with each other. This process can help couples see how they have been able to change and how new interaction patterns prevent conflict. > New sequences of bonding interactions occur and replace old, negative patterns such as "pursue-withdraw" or "criticize-defend."4 These new, positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change. The relationship becomes a haven and a healing environment for both partners." ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dpxv7a0v94a53djmvex71)) > EFT can also be a powerful approach for couples dealing with infidelity and trauma, both recently and in the past. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dq1402pyafjw5tv26vdcs)) > One strength of EFT is that there has been extensive research on it.9 Some experts feel EFT is one of the most (if not the most) evidence-validated forms of couples’ therapy.10 > The technique is collaborative and respectful of clients, and it shifts blame for the couple’s problems to the negative patterns between them instead of the individual partners. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dthzhjm2k86byt3qy6xv8)) > Since it involves exploring the negative emotions and patterns that contribute to conflicts in relationships, EFT can be challenging to undertake. The therapy process itself may lead to difficult or intense emotions. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dxycv15244qtv7w64aqmv)) --- Title: How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Is Used Author: Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT Tags: readwise, articles date: 2024-01-30 --- # How Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Is Used ![rw-book-cover](https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/PxaCeUqldfQwuXvzQqymTDdNzCU=/2121x0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/young-woman-asks-question-during-counseling-session-1189419713-984656cb4163466d943535bee5d2f598.jpg) URL:: https://www.verywellmind.com/emotionally-focused-therapy-for-distressed-couples-2303813 Author:: Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT ## AI-Generated Summary Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a short-term treatment that helps improve attachment and bonding in adult relationships. It can be used in couples therapy, individual therapy, and family therapy. EFT involves identifying negative interaction patterns, reframing negative emotions, and creating a secure emotional bond between partners. The therapy also focuses on teaching effective communication skills and new interaction patterns. EFT has been found to be effective in improving relationships, reducing stress, and increasing marital satisfaction. ## Highlights > Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg developed EFT in the 1980s. The couples therapy approach is based on research about love as an attachment bond.1 ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dngkh9vgy1f6ysyn1a9kr)) > De-Escalation > The first EFT step is focused on identifying negative interaction patterns that contribute to conflict, identifying negative emotions related to attachment, and reframing those feelings. This process helps couples better see how their insecurities and fears affect their relationship. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dnqpkjsbbzgz9j5r9z9x4)) > Partners view undesirable behaviors (i.e., shutting down or angry escalations) as "protests of disconnection." Couples learn to be emotionally available, empathetic, and engaged with each other, strengthening the attachment bond and creating a safe place between them. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dp83zsebhb9164h0vh3vk)) > Restructuring > During the next stage, each partner learns to share their emotions and show acceptance and compassion for the other partner. The process attempts to reduce conflict and create a more [secure emotional bond](https://www.verywellmind.com/all-about-healthy-relationship-4774802). > Couples learn to express deep, underlying emotions from a place of vulnerability and ask for their needs to be met. This step also helps partners become more responsive to each other’s needs. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dpe6mt21nfpv0phja8rq1)) > Consolidation > During the last step, a therapist helps the couple work on new communication strategies and practice skills when interacting with each other. This process can help couples see how they have been able to change and how new interaction patterns prevent conflict. > New sequences of bonding interactions occur and replace old, negative patterns such as "pursue-withdraw" or "criticize-defend."4 These new, positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change. The relationship becomes a haven and a healing environment for both partners." ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dpxv7a0v94a53djmvex71)) > EFT can also be a powerful approach for couples dealing with infidelity and trauma, both recently and in the past. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dq1402pyafjw5tv26vdcs)) > One strength of EFT is that there has been extensive research on it.9 Some experts feel EFT is one of the most (if not the most) evidence-validated forms of couples’ therapy.10 > The technique is collaborative and respectful of clients, and it shifts blame for the couple’s problems to the negative patterns between them instead of the individual partners. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dthzhjm2k86byt3qy6xv8)) > Since it involves exploring the negative emotions and patterns that contribute to conflicts in relationships, EFT can be challenging to undertake. The therapy process itself may lead to difficult or intense emotions. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hk3dxycv15244qtv7w64aqmv))