# Non-Coercive Marketing: A Primer  URL:: https://ungated.media/article/non-coercive-marketing-primer/ Author:: Rob Hardy ## Highlights > This isn't just a more ethical, feel-good way to sell shit. This isn't just slapping a friendlier coat of paint on traditional marketing. It's a radical rethink from first principles, meant to [start the dominoes toppling](https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1255767736279392256) towards a more beautiful future. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrenxcb4wnx7kxg6d2jx15)) > The key ingredient in non-coercive marketing is the [golden rule](https://ungated.media/article/golden-rule/).  We should market to others the way we'd want to be marketed to ourselves. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrfb46ehhjh803qqyq81zs)) > This is why I increasingly center my work around ideas like [Deep Okayness](https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/how-i-attained-persistent-self-love?s=r). The more we turn our attention inward, and start unwinding the ways we're at war with ourselves, the more non-coercive marketing becomes natural and intuitive. It becomes second nature to treat others with the utmost dignity and respect, and to fully allow them to make their own decisions without manipulation or force. When you've made peace with yourself, the golden rule gets a whole lot more powerful. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrfv4erawgzf9qq5deygzw)) > Non-coercive marketing places full authority and trust in people. It creates the conditions under which they can make empowered decisions for themselves, and do so in their own time. It doesn't seek to persuade, manipulate, or pester people into a decision that's already been made for them. It merely opens new doors, tells the truth about what's behind those doors, then surrenders the outcome, trusting that the right people will step through when they're ready. In that way, non-coercive marketing is a leap of faith, rooted in the idea that if you stop trying to control people, and encourage them to be their own authority, you can build positive sum relationships that lead to organic and mutually-enriching transactions. This relational shift is also at the heart of how we begin healing the emotional wounds lying beneath humanity's many problems. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrh3pd64yzqg7de5kcfzzm)) > Here are the principles. > 1. Optimize for aligned, empowered customers > 2. Surrender control, and embrace emergence > 3. Cede authority > 4. Treat people as ends, not means > 5. Enough is enough > 6. Play long games > 7. Tell the truth, even when it's scary > 8. Create invitations, not ultimatums > 9. Trust fully and unconditionally ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrhdh5y5vdkm7fj7y771ez)) > Non-coercive marketing is about creating customers who are both *aligned* and *empowered*. An aligned customer is someone who is delighted to have done business with *you*. It's likely they could have purchased something similar elsewhere, but because of their interactions with your marketing, they feel a sense of connection, resonance, or even belonging, and *actively choose* to transact with you instead of anyone else. An empowered customer is someone whose choice to transact comes not from insecurity, but from self-trust. In other words, it's a "fuck yes" decision for them, made from a place of wholeness. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrjk0ak836cn1dkvc9y29y)) > When you optimize for both alignment and empowerment, you end up with the highest calibre of customers. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrjsq4d633hk1m5me7bxgg)) > Traditional marketing is about creating as much certainty as possible. It's about trying to make transactions happen in a reliable, systematic way, on your timeline. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrmcx2bfd6f4bc25jsza90)) > Non-coercive marketing is rooted in an uncomfortable truth. Emotional connection, resonance, and trust—the ingredients for aligned, empowered customers—don’t follow a reliable formula. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrmmtbscqcpsr7xb9v00qe)) > Non-coercive marketing is about creating the conditions under which emotional connection and trust can happen in their own time, and their own way, with each individual. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrmtbjshefh93j34tq2bme)) > Traditional marketing is rooted in authoritarian tendencies. It's about setting the agenda from on high, and exercising as much control over people as possible. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrnj4xmehbg2eyz3ex7fg0)) > It's about persuading you to want whatever the company has decided you should want. Traditional marketing, in other words, tries to strip people of their agency, and their ability to make meaningful, well-considered decisions for themselves. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrp2sbh1khs8fk7xyb32k8)) > Non-coercive marketing starts from the position that trying to control people is unethical. Full stop. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrpv3k8r2p4c5qv1rxep28)) > It's about trusting people to make the best decision for themselves, even if they choose a competitor, or they don't buy anything at all. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrr97vrhmkkhf4r3c567ea)) > In non-coercive marketing, we treat everyone who enters our world as an end unto themselves, even if they don't, and never will, transact with us. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrrjbmggwa7k9jcm7kk9b7)) > Traditional marketing is the foot soldier in the war for infinite growth. Its primary tool is weaponized insecurity, and convincing people they aren't enough as they are. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrsb8f488hyk69jrnq2pvq)) > Non-coercive marketing starts from the assumption that you, as the business owner and/or marketer, are already enough. It acknowledges that while growing businesses can be fun, challenging, and meaningful, it's not a requirement for wholeness or self-esteem. Oftentimes the most courageous, [life-affirming choice](https://ungated.media/article/you-dont-have-to-scale/) you can make is to break free from mimetic expectations around growth, and choose to define *enough* for yourself, and actually enjoy it once you get there. That's the ultimate gangster move. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrt0abtq88qsb7tx9xw1kj)) > Traditional marketing is obsessed with short-term results and revenue. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrtj22pyy08aa7ek65b11g)) > Non-coercive marketing recognizes that the vast majority of people who enter your world are not currently ready to transact with you from a trusting, empowered place. As such, it optimizes for long-term relationships and friendships. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrv5xvnce0tqm63jv28yda)) > Traditional marketing is about saying what's necessary to make the sale. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrvg1ywp3hqgdjvc3dh2g2)) > Non-coercive marketing is about radical honesty. It's about being courageous enough to say what's true, even if it's unpopular, unflattering, or dredges up insecurities. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrvmjcvv86wzyfp5g181a7)) > Non-coercive marketing, by contrast, doesn't create emotional pressure, but actively seeks to relieve it. If what you're selling has some kind of time-bound component—live events, cohorts, etc—some pressure is inevitable. But otherwise, non-coercive marketing never puts you in a place where you have to make an emotional snap decision. Instead of offers and ultimatums, non-coercive marketing runs on invitations. An invitation is friendly, open-ended, and positive sum. It doesn’t try to persuade you to take an action that may not be right for you. It merely shows you a new door you can walk through, on your own time, if you genuinely want to. It’s saying “*Here’s a thing I made, and here’s the truth about what it is. If you vibe with me, you can come join this party at any time. If you don’t, that’s cool too. I still respect you!*” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrwhakpmk75shbf05yzseb)) > Non-coercive marketing, above all else, is rooted in trust. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrwwfpfrgnxdvjnnambmpw)) > So trust yourself fully. Trust that you are enough, and that you will always be enough, no matter what happens with your business. Trust that the truths you tell about yourself, your products, and your business will reach into the world, and resonate with the right people enough that they want to become customers. Trust that if you show up and play the game from a place of joy and connection, the game will reward you with ever more joy and connection. > Trust others fully. Trust them to encounter your truth and be able to evaluate it for themselves. Trust them to make empowered decisions for themselves without an ounce of emotional coercion or manipulation. And trust that ditching the need to control and manage everything can indeed get you more of what you want in both your business, and your life. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrxs9jkdbnecqs004666xq)) --- Title: Non-Coercive Marketing: A Primer Author: Rob Hardy Tags: readwise, articles date: 2024-01-30 --- # Non-Coercive Marketing: A Primer  URL:: https://ungated.media/article/non-coercive-marketing-primer/ Author:: Rob Hardy ## AI-Generated Summary A new philosophy of marketing, rooted in letting go of control, and trusting people to be their own authority. ## Highlights > This isn't just a more ethical, feel-good way to sell shit. This isn't just slapping a friendlier coat of paint on traditional marketing. It's a radical rethink from first principles, meant to [start the dominoes toppling](https://twitter.com/visakanv/status/1255767736279392256) towards a more beautiful future. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrenxcb4wnx7kxg6d2jx15)) > The key ingredient in non-coercive marketing is the [golden rule](https://ungated.media/article/golden-rule/).  We should market to others the way we'd want to be marketed to ourselves. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrfb46ehhjh803qqyq81zs)) > This is why I increasingly center my work around ideas like [Deep Okayness](https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/how-i-attained-persistent-self-love?s=r). The more we turn our attention inward, and start unwinding the ways we're at war with ourselves, the more non-coercive marketing becomes natural and intuitive. It becomes second nature to treat others with the utmost dignity and respect, and to fully allow them to make their own decisions without manipulation or force. When you've made peace with yourself, the golden rule gets a whole lot more powerful. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrfv4erawgzf9qq5deygzw)) > Non-coercive marketing places full authority and trust in people. It creates the conditions under which they can make empowered decisions for themselves, and do so in their own time. It doesn't seek to persuade, manipulate, or pester people into a decision that's already been made for them. It merely opens new doors, tells the truth about what's behind those doors, then surrenders the outcome, trusting that the right people will step through when they're ready. In that way, non-coercive marketing is a leap of faith, rooted in the idea that if you stop trying to control people, and encourage them to be their own authority, you can build positive sum relationships that lead to organic and mutually-enriching transactions. This relational shift is also at the heart of how we begin healing the emotional wounds lying beneath humanity's many problems. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrh3pd64yzqg7de5kcfzzm)) > Here are the principles. > 1. Optimize for aligned, empowered customers > 2. Surrender control, and embrace emergence > 3. Cede authority > 4. Treat people as ends, not means > 5. Enough is enough > 6. Play long games > 7. Tell the truth, even when it's scary > 8. Create invitations, not ultimatums > 9. Trust fully and unconditionally ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrhdh5y5vdkm7fj7y771ez)) > Non-coercive marketing is about creating customers who are both *aligned* and *empowered*. An aligned customer is someone who is delighted to have done business with *you*. It's likely they could have purchased something similar elsewhere, but because of their interactions with your marketing, they feel a sense of connection, resonance, or even belonging, and *actively choose* to transact with you instead of anyone else. An empowered customer is someone whose choice to transact comes not from insecurity, but from self-trust. In other words, it's a "fuck yes" decision for them, made from a place of wholeness. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrjk0ak836cn1dkvc9y29y)) > When you optimize for both alignment and empowerment, you end up with the highest calibre of customers. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrjsq4d633hk1m5me7bxgg)) > Traditional marketing is about creating as much certainty as possible. It's about trying to make transactions happen in a reliable, systematic way, on your timeline. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrmcx2bfd6f4bc25jsza90)) > Non-coercive marketing is rooted in an uncomfortable truth. Emotional connection, resonance, and trust—the ingredients for aligned, empowered customers—don’t follow a reliable formula. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrmmtbscqcpsr7xb9v00qe)) > Non-coercive marketing is about creating the conditions under which emotional connection and trust can happen in their own time, and their own way, with each individual. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrmtbjshefh93j34tq2bme)) > Traditional marketing is rooted in authoritarian tendencies. It's about setting the agenda from on high, and exercising as much control over people as possible. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrnj4xmehbg2eyz3ex7fg0)) > It's about persuading you to want whatever the company has decided you should want. Traditional marketing, in other words, tries to strip people of their agency, and their ability to make meaningful, well-considered decisions for themselves. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrp2sbh1khs8fk7xyb32k8)) > Non-coercive marketing starts from the position that trying to control people is unethical. Full stop. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrpv3k8r2p4c5qv1rxep28)) > It's about trusting people to make the best decision for themselves, even if they choose a competitor, or they don't buy anything at all. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrr97vrhmkkhf4r3c567ea)) > In non-coercive marketing, we treat everyone who enters our world as an end unto themselves, even if they don't, and never will, transact with us. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrrjbmggwa7k9jcm7kk9b7)) > Traditional marketing is the foot soldier in the war for infinite growth. Its primary tool is weaponized insecurity, and convincing people they aren't enough as they are. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrsb8f488hyk69jrnq2pvq)) > Non-coercive marketing starts from the assumption that you, as the business owner and/or marketer, are already enough. It acknowledges that while growing businesses can be fun, challenging, and meaningful, it's not a requirement for wholeness or self-esteem. Oftentimes the most courageous, [life-affirming choice](https://ungated.media/article/you-dont-have-to-scale/) you can make is to break free from mimetic expectations around growth, and choose to define *enough* for yourself, and actually enjoy it once you get there. That's the ultimate gangster move. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrt0abtq88qsb7tx9xw1kj)) > Traditional marketing is obsessed with short-term results and revenue. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrtj22pyy08aa7ek65b11g)) > Non-coercive marketing recognizes that the vast majority of people who enter your world are not currently ready to transact with you from a trusting, empowered place. As such, it optimizes for long-term relationships and friendships. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrv5xvnce0tqm63jv28yda)) > Traditional marketing is about saying what's necessary to make the sale. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrvg1ywp3hqgdjvc3dh2g2)) > Non-coercive marketing is about radical honesty. It's about being courageous enough to say what's true, even if it's unpopular, unflattering, or dredges up insecurities. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrvmjcvv86wzyfp5g181a7)) > Non-coercive marketing, by contrast, doesn't create emotional pressure, but actively seeks to relieve it. If what you're selling has some kind of time-bound component—live events, cohorts, etc—some pressure is inevitable. But otherwise, non-coercive marketing never puts you in a place where you have to make an emotional snap decision. Instead of offers and ultimatums, non-coercive marketing runs on invitations. An invitation is friendly, open-ended, and positive sum. It doesn’t try to persuade you to take an action that may not be right for you. It merely shows you a new door you can walk through, on your own time, if you genuinely want to. It’s saying “*Here’s a thing I made, and here’s the truth about what it is. If you vibe with me, you can come join this party at any time. If you don’t, that’s cool too. I still respect you!*” ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrwhakpmk75shbf05yzseb)) > Non-coercive marketing, above all else, is rooted in trust. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrwwfpfrgnxdvjnnambmpw)) > So trust yourself fully. Trust that you are enough, and that you will always be enough, no matter what happens with your business. Trust that the truths you tell about yourself, your products, and your business will reach into the world, and resonate with the right people enough that they want to become customers. Trust that if you show up and play the game from a place of joy and connection, the game will reward you with ever more joy and connection. > Trust others fully. Trust them to encounter your truth and be able to evaluate it for themselves. Trust them to make empowered decisions for themselves without an ounce of emotional coercion or manipulation. And trust that ditching the need to control and manage everything can indeed get you more of what you want in both your business, and your life. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01ggvrxs9jkdbnecqs004666xq))