# Why Unfamiliar Doesn’t Mean Unethical ![rw-book-cover](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1200,h_600,c_fill,f_jpg,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff5b6c5dc-6848-4006-ba3f-3ef33df5d37d_3112x2848.jpeg) URL:: https://idamage.substack.com/p/why-unfamiliar-doesnt-mean-unethical Author:: Jackson King / Mister Saul ## Highlights > Norms around flirting, cruising, and hooking up differ dramatically between dyke-centered sex parties, pansexual kink crowds, and gay orgies. I remember the first two relying much more heavily on verbal consent, and pre-scene negotiation (while it doesn’t account for every scene, it’s common enough that a lot of my friends who are still part of that crowd continue to discuss them in those terms). But gay cruising traditionally relies on a consent model based on non-verbal cues and ongoing negotiation. And just like it can be hard to switch between languages, it became hard to calibrate my approach based on where I was. The last thing I wanted to do was casually touch some femme without asking her first; another last thing I wanted to do was ask some hot man, grinding his dick up against me on the dance floor, if it was okay if I kissed him. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hm7g5jeq5qjm913patb3dgmf)) --- Title: Why Unfamiliar Doesn’t Mean Unethical Author: Jackson King / Mister Saul Tags: readwise, articles date: 2024-01-30 --- # Why Unfamiliar Doesn’t Mean Unethical ![rw-book-cover](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1200,h_600,c_fill,f_jpg,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff5b6c5dc-6848-4006-ba3f-3ef33df5d37d_3112x2848.jpeg) URL:: https://idamage.substack.com/p/why-unfamiliar-doesnt-mean-unethical Author:: Jackson King / Mister Saul ## AI-Generated Summary In this personal essay, the author discusses their experiences with cruising in gay spaces as a trans man attracted to men. They reflect on their own approach to disclosing their trans identity and the varying consent frameworks in different sex-positive scenes. The author emphasizes the importance of understanding and respecting the cultural norms and consent practices of different communities, while also acknowledging the diversity within those communities. They encourage transmasculine individuals interested in exploring cis gay sexualized spaces to be open to learning and making mistakes, and to find like-minded individuals who have a liberated understanding of consent and enjoyment. ## Highlights > Norms around flirting, cruising, and hooking up differ dramatically between dyke-centered sex parties, pansexual kink crowds, and gay orgies. I remember the first two relying much more heavily on verbal consent, and pre-scene negotiation (while it doesn’t account for every scene, it’s common enough that a lot of my friends who are still part of that crowd continue to discuss them in those terms). But gay cruising traditionally relies on a consent model based on non-verbal cues and ongoing negotiation. And just like it can be hard to switch between languages, it became hard to calibrate my approach based on where I was. The last thing I wanted to do was casually touch some femme without asking her first; another last thing I wanted to do was ask some hot man, grinding his dick up against me on the dance floor, if it was okay if I kissed him. ([View Highlight](https://read.readwise.io/read/01hm7g5jeq5qjm913patb3dgmf))