# Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller ![rw-book-cover](https://media.shortform.com/covers/png/attached-cover.png) Author:: Shortform ## AI-Generated Summary None ## Highlights > Whether your attachment style is secure, anxious, or avoidant determines how you function in intimate relationships. Here’s a brief summary of each style: > If you're a secure attacher, you're a nurturing, responsive, warm, and loving partner who is comfortable with intimacy. > If you're an anxious attacher, you're preoccupied with making your relationship solid, and you constantly seek reassurance from your partner. > If you're an avoidant attacher, you're more distant and self-reliant, and you see intimacy as a threat to your independence. You tend to keep your partner at arm's length. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/1366dd90-d1f9-41b0-9349-4dec8468907e)) > knowing someone's attachment style is an excellent predictor of how they will behave in any partnership situation. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/6dac3550-eeba-43a1-ac4f-146f83401d07)) > Key Features of the Secure Attachment Style > You're naturally loving and warm. > You enjoy intimacy and closeness. > You don't worry much about your relationships—you take the ups and downs in stride. > You can easily communicate with your partner about your desires and needs. > You're able to anticipate your partner's desires and needs, and you enjoy responding to them. > You enjoy sharing life's successes and failures with your partner. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/00a11bc3-51e1-4fc6-95d1-2a1c73218ea4)) > Key Features of the Anxious Attachment Style > You love intimacy and closeness. > Relationships are a big part of your life and take up a lot of your emotional energy. > You often fear that your partner doesn't love being close as much as you do. > You're extremely sensitive to changes in your partner's moods or behaviors. > You're hesitant to say anything that your partner might find disagreeable. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/8f802a6f-0ac9-4efc-b228-7ea2f1a4d6d1)) > Key Features of the Avoidant Attachment Style > You prefer independence and autonomy over intimacy and closeness. > You tend to keep people at arm's length. > You don't worry about your relationships; rejection doesn't bother you much. > You don't usually talk to your partner about your feelings. > You're concerned about your partner interfering in your life too much or stepping on your territory. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/fd391301-1197-484e-8dd3-ccdd42c0aaad)) > A person with an anxious attachment style has a compelling desire to achieve closeness with a romantic partner and is highly tuned in to any perceived threat to that closeness. They're preoccupied with making the relationship work, so at times they may seem overly focused on you. For example, an anxious attacher may ask a lot of questions about your past relationships to see how they measure up. ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/b381b6d7-f5c0-46df-898e-a22a429eb792)) > On the positive side, anxious attachers happily show their devotion; for example, they tend to be very affectionate—fond of hand-holding, hugging, and kissing ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/4adfc49d-fd91-4db8-a3c7-0ab3c75e072e)) > you're in a long-term relationship with an avoidant attacher, you will find that they use everyday conversations—about what to watch on television, how to care for pets or kids, or when and where to go on vacation—as ways to negotiate their independence ([View Highlight](https://www.shortform.com/app/highlights/1c53c426-f699-4003-b2c5-c97d042c2511))