# The Four Tendencies  Author:: Gretchen Rubin ## Highlights > Upholders sometimes become impatient—or even disdainful—when people reject expectations, can’t impose expectations on themselves, or question expectations. ([Location 492](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=492)) > Upholders often resist holding others accountable, even when people ask for accountability. Because Upholders don’t need much outer accountability themselves, they’re not sympathetic when others do. Also, because Upholders feel the pressure of outer accountability themselves, they don’t like to place that burden on others. ([Location 505](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=505)) > To others, the ways of the Upholder can seem extreme. ([Location 516](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=516)) > if a conflict arises between outer and inner expectations, UPHOLDER/Questioners give greater weight to inner expectations—as Questioners do. ([Location 543](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=543)) > While Upholders and Obligers both meet external expectations, Upholders also meet their expectations for themselves, and this protects them from the resentment and burnout that often trouble Obligers. ([Location 568](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=568)) > the Upholder commitment to meeting expectations can sometimes make Upholders seem…cold. There’s a relentless quality to Upholders. They’re going to do what must be done even, sometimes, if that means inconveniencing other people or being out of step. ([Location 598](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=598)) > Upholders do well as entrepreneurs or freelancers, or with any kind of side hustle, because they’re self-motivated. ([Location 690](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=690)) > I was interested to see that as a person’s income rises, he or she is more likely to be an Upholder (and less likely to be a Rebel). ([Location 692](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=692)) > Upholders sometimes have trouble delegating, because they assume that others will drop the ball or won’t do a good job. ([Location 705](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=705)) > it’s helpful to remember that because they hate to fail to meet an expectation, they may find it hard to set priorities—all expectations seem equally important. ([Location 709](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=709)) > Because they hate to screw up, Upholders can be very defensive or hostile when told they’ve made a mistake. ([Location 718](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=718)) > Upholders do well in roles that require people to be self-starters, such as starting a business, solo consulting, or freelancing, because once they decide to meet an aim, they can work toward it without supervision or accountability. Upholders have a deep capacity to make themselves do things they don’t feel like doing, which is invaluable for people who work for themselves and lack coworkers to help with the details or drudge work. ([Location 787](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=787)) > Obligers get along most easily with the other three Tendencies. ([Location 1416](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=1416)) --- Title: The Four Tendencies Author: Gretchen Rubin Tags: readwise, books date: 2024-01-30 --- # The Four Tendencies  Author:: Gretchen Rubin ## AI-Generated Summary None ## Highlights > Upholders sometimes become impatient—or even disdainful—when people reject expectations, can’t impose expectations on themselves, or question expectations. ([Location 492](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=492)) > Upholders often resist holding others accountable, even when people ask for accountability. Because Upholders don’t need much outer accountability themselves, they’re not sympathetic when others do. Also, because Upholders feel the pressure of outer accountability themselves, they don’t like to place that burden on others. ([Location 505](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=505)) > To others, the ways of the Upholder can seem extreme. ([Location 516](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=516)) > if a conflict arises between outer and inner expectations, UPHOLDER/Questioners give greater weight to inner expectations—as Questioners do. ([Location 543](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=543)) > While Upholders and Obligers both meet external expectations, Upholders also meet their expectations for themselves, and this protects them from the resentment and burnout that often trouble Obligers. ([Location 568](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=568)) > the Upholder commitment to meeting expectations can sometimes make Upholders seem…cold. There’s a relentless quality to Upholders. They’re going to do what must be done even, sometimes, if that means inconveniencing other people or being out of step. ([Location 598](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=598)) > Upholders do well as entrepreneurs or freelancers, or with any kind of side hustle, because they’re self-motivated. ([Location 690](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=690)) > I was interested to see that as a person’s income rises, he or she is more likely to be an Upholder (and less likely to be a Rebel). ([Location 692](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=692)) > Upholders sometimes have trouble delegating, because they assume that others will drop the ball or won’t do a good job. ([Location 705](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=705)) > it’s helpful to remember that because they hate to fail to meet an expectation, they may find it hard to set priorities—all expectations seem equally important. ([Location 709](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=709)) > Because they hate to screw up, Upholders can be very defensive or hostile when told they’ve made a mistake. ([Location 718](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=718)) > Upholders do well in roles that require people to be self-starters, such as starting a business, solo consulting, or freelancing, because once they decide to meet an aim, they can work toward it without supervision or accountability. Upholders have a deep capacity to make themselves do things they don’t feel like doing, which is invaluable for people who work for themselves and lack coworkers to help with the details or drudge work. ([Location 787](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=787)) > Obligers get along most easily with the other three Tendencies. ([Location 1416](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01MU23P0N&location=1416))