# The New Bottoming Book
Author:: Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy
## Highlights
> someone who has the ability to eroticize or otherwise enjoy some sensations or emotions – such as pain, helplessness, powerlessness and humiliation – that would be unpleasant in another context. ([Location 65](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=65))
> The result is a more profound intimacy than we usually experience during any other kind of sex. ([Location 206](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=206))
> Bottoming gives us a safe place to release the anger, fear and frustration we accumulate in the real world; it’s incredibly cathartic. • Bottoming can “turn off our brains” – giving us a quiet respite, in the endorphin high of pain play, the stillness of bondage, or the clarity of giving good service, from the day-to-day clutter and chatter of existence. • Bottoming offers us a chance to please the people we care about, with a perfect pedicure, a dusted mantelpiece, really skillful oral sex, or whatever else gives pleasure. ([Location 212](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=212))
> And let’s not forget that bottoming just plain puts us in overdrive. For stimulus junkies like your authors who have big needs for excitement, powerful sensation and high intensity, bottoming is a Shakespearean tragedy, a needle shower and a roller-coaster ride all rolled into one. ([Location 219](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=219))
> I like tops who tell me they’re having a good time – grunts, compliments, heavy breathing, the brush of a hard dick or wet pussy against my thigh. When things get intense, my top’s pleasure gives me permission to open up and enjoy the sensation and reasons to go on accepting it. ([Location 232](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=232))
> “GREEDY” is often used as a pejorative term, both outside the S/M communities and within them. We would like to propose the reclamation of the word “greedy.” There’s nothing wrong with wanting a lot; there’s nothing wrong with getting a lot. In fact, the more you get, the more you have to give. ([Location 258](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=258))
> Many bottoms talk about a state of mind they call “bottom space” or “sub space,” a kind of altered consciousness in which their relationship with their own minds, with their partners, and/or with the outside world becomes in some way different. ([Location 279](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=279))
> S/M has been described as “power games for fun rather than profit.” ([Location 401](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=401))
> In order to play with power safely, it helps to understand the concept of “power-with” as differentiated from “power-over.” Most of our culture’s systems run on power-over, with sexism, racism and militarism being some ugly examples. ([Location 404](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=404))
> Power-over means that a person sees his or her power as the ability to control others, and thus always sees this power as relative, either greater or lesser than other people’s power. ([Location 407](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=407))
> Power-with is based on the idea that we can all become more powerful by supporting each other in being more powerful. ([Location 419](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=419))
> THINKING WITH YOUR HEAD AND YOUR GONADS. The reason we cannot make rules that will protect us every time, or tell where the boundary should be in every situation, is that the desires we play with are not rational. ([Location 505](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=505))
> We bottom in order to go to places within ourselves and with our partners that we cannot get to without a top. To explore these spaces, we need someone to push us over the edge in the right ways, and to keep us safe while we’re out there flying. ([Location 519](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=519))
> The games we play have the power to bypass our customary psychological defenses, giving us access to amazing experiences and awarenesses. For emotional safety, we establish ways to take care of each other while we are defenseless. Bottom power comes from the gut-level realization that you deserve respect for your vulnerability, and care and support from those who take you down… and thus get to ride along with you on your journey. ([Location 522](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=522))
> In its finest form, S/M is a form of psychodrama with tremendous possibilities for self-knowledge and transformation, which is why some players say that S and M stand for sex magic. We must remember that this is a very powerful form of magic, worthy of our greatest respect. Somewhere between fantasy and reality lies the full-power bottom’s role in S/M. When we give up our power, we feel more powerful. When we give up control, we feel freer. We encourage you to bring your full power and all your greedy, nasty, raunchy, intense and horny lust to your play, until you pull up enough energy to devour the planet. ([Location 540](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=540))
> Negotiating a scene is basically mutual scheming. ([Location 605](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=605))
---
Title: The New Bottoming Book
Author: Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy
Tags: readwise, books
date: 2024-01-30
---
# The New Bottoming Book
Author:: Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy
## AI-Generated Summary
None
## Highlights
> someone who has the ability to eroticize or otherwise enjoy some sensations or emotions – such as pain, helplessness, powerlessness and humiliation – that would be unpleasant in another context. ([Location 65](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=65))
> The result is a more profound intimacy than we usually experience during any other kind of sex. ([Location 206](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=206))
> Bottoming gives us a safe place to release the anger, fear and frustration we accumulate in the real world; it’s incredibly cathartic. • Bottoming can “turn off our brains” – giving us a quiet respite, in the endorphin high of pain play, the stillness of bondage, or the clarity of giving good service, from the day-to-day clutter and chatter of existence. • Bottoming offers us a chance to please the people we care about, with a perfect pedicure, a dusted mantelpiece, really skillful oral sex, or whatever else gives pleasure. ([Location 212](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=212))
> And let’s not forget that bottoming just plain puts us in overdrive. For stimulus junkies like your authors who have big needs for excitement, powerful sensation and high intensity, bottoming is a Shakespearean tragedy, a needle shower and a roller-coaster ride all rolled into one. ([Location 219](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=219))
> I like tops who tell me they’re having a good time – grunts, compliments, heavy breathing, the brush of a hard dick or wet pussy against my thigh. When things get intense, my top’s pleasure gives me permission to open up and enjoy the sensation and reasons to go on accepting it. ([Location 232](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=232))
> “GREEDY” is often used as a pejorative term, both outside the S/M communities and within them. We would like to propose the reclamation of the word “greedy.” There’s nothing wrong with wanting a lot; there’s nothing wrong with getting a lot. In fact, the more you get, the more you have to give. ([Location 258](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=258))
> Many bottoms talk about a state of mind they call “bottom space” or “sub space,” a kind of altered consciousness in which their relationship with their own minds, with their partners, and/or with the outside world becomes in some way different. ([Location 279](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=279))
> S/M has been described as “power games for fun rather than profit.” ([Location 401](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=401))
> In order to play with power safely, it helps to understand the concept of “power-with” as differentiated from “power-over.” Most of our culture’s systems run on power-over, with sexism, racism and militarism being some ugly examples. ([Location 404](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=404))
> Power-over means that a person sees his or her power as the ability to control others, and thus always sees this power as relative, either greater or lesser than other people’s power. ([Location 407](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=407))
> Power-with is based on the idea that we can all become more powerful by supporting each other in being more powerful. ([Location 419](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=419))
> THINKING WITH YOUR HEAD AND YOUR GONADS. The reason we cannot make rules that will protect us every time, or tell where the boundary should be in every situation, is that the desires we play with are not rational. ([Location 505](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=505))
> We bottom in order to go to places within ourselves and with our partners that we cannot get to without a top. To explore these spaces, we need someone to push us over the edge in the right ways, and to keep us safe while we’re out there flying. ([Location 519](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=519))
> The games we play have the power to bypass our customary psychological defenses, giving us access to amazing experiences and awarenesses. For emotional safety, we establish ways to take care of each other while we are defenseless. Bottom power comes from the gut-level realization that you deserve respect for your vulnerability, and care and support from those who take you down… and thus get to ride along with you on your journey. ([Location 522](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=522))
> In its finest form, S/M is a form of psychodrama with tremendous possibilities for self-knowledge and transformation, which is why some players say that S and M stand for sex magic. We must remember that this is a very powerful form of magic, worthy of our greatest respect. Somewhere between fantasy and reality lies the full-power bottom’s role in S/M. When we give up our power, we feel more powerful. When we give up control, we feel freer. We encourage you to bring your full power and all your greedy, nasty, raunchy, intense and horny lust to your play, until you pull up enough energy to devour the planet. ([Location 540](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=540))
> Negotiating a scene is basically mutual scheming. ([Location 605](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B005HZ6GGU&location=605))