# 150 - Relationship Anarchy 101 ![rw-book-cover](https://wsrv.nl/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmegaphone.imgix.net%2Fpodcasts%2F6c909720-2f0e-11e9-a20c-33258e821e00%2Fimage%2FPodcast_Image_2023__1_.jpg%3Fixlib%3Drails-4.3.1%26max-w%3D3000%26max-h%3D3000%26fit%3Dcrop%26auto%3Dformat%2Ccompress&w=100&h=100) URL:: https://share.snipd.com/episode/9ffd9703-6845-4c21-b7c4-8dd2d0650865 Author:: Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships ## Highlights > Episode AI notes > 1. Relationship anarchy challenges the notion that love is limited to couples and can instead be felt for multiple people. > 2. Love is abundant and every relationship is unique. > 3. Don't rank and compare people and relationships. > 4. Cherish the individual and your connection to them. > 5. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. > 6. Each relationship is independent and a relationship between autonomous individuals. > 7. Many people pursue monogamy, marriage, having a home, or having kids out of fear of being alone or fear of missing out rather than genuine desire. > 8. There is a widespread fear of having a different life from others, leading to a sense of inadequacy. > 9. Setting guidelines based on personal core values and constitution can help navigate difficult situations. > 10. Sticking to personal guidelines can prevent harm to partners and preserve one's values. > 11. Taking time to process emotions before responding or making decisions is important. ([Time 0:00:00](https://share.snipd.com/episode-takeaways/44f32fc5-8b93-4e00-86b9-a0789f3b57b8)) > Love as Abundance: Exploring Relationship Anarchy > Key takeaways: > - Love is abundant and every relationship is unique. > - Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. > - You have the capacity to love more than one person and one relationship, and the love felt for one person does not diminish the love felt for another. > - Don't rank and compare people and relationships. > - Cherish the individual and your connection to them. > - One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. > - Each relationship is independent and a relationship between autonomous individuals. > Transcript: > Speaker 1 > Love is abundant and every relationship is unique. Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have capacity to love more than one person and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another. Don't rank and compare people and relationships. Cherish the individual and your connection to them. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. Each relationship is independent and a relationship between autonomous individuals. ([Time 0:06:40](https://share.snipd.com/snip/dead8739-8e72-463a-b382-c2ac3c60ff4f)) > The Fear of Being Alone and Wanting What You Don't Want > Key takeaways: > - There are individuals who pursue monogamy, marriage, having a home, or having kids out of fear of being alone or fear of missing out rather than genuine desire. > - Many people have a fear of their lives being different from others, which can lead to a sense of inadequacy. > - This fear is common and widespread in society. > Transcript: > Speaker 1 > There are many people out there who are led either to monogamy or maybe to marriage or to having a home or to having kids less out of I really want this to happen. I really want this for my life and more out of I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of everyone else getting these things and me not getting them, which is related to or wanting what you don't want episode that there can be this very human fear of my life looks Different from everybody else's life, at least on the surface. And that must be a bad thing. And it's so incredibly pervasive. It's so pervasive. ([Time 0:23:42](https://share.snipd.com/snip/7ae35ba0-9ba7-41a2-b152-ce5c6327ae89)) > Setting guidelines and core values in difficult situations > Key takeaways: > - Setting guidelines for oneself can be helpful in difficult situations > - Creating a constitution or clarifying core values can serve as guidelines > - Sticking to personal guidelines can help prevent harm to partners and preserve one's values > - Taking time to work through emotions is important before responding or making decisions > Transcript: > Speaker 2 > So I think in addition to what Dedeker was saying about in those hard situations, trying to imagine like, what is the strong me going to do? Right? What is the enlightened me going to do here? That instead is when you are feeling good, setting those guidelines, which could look like things in your constitution, like Dedeker did, or you know, getting clear on what your core Values are and how you want to respond to different situations to sort of set those up as guidelines for yourself. So even when you're really not feeling it, even if you are feeling really insecure or really jealous or whatever, you know that I have this guideline about what I am and I'm not going to Do. So I'm going to stick to that right now, just so I'm not hurting my partner or I'm not compromising my values. And then I'm going to take some time to work through how I feel about it, instead of feeling like you need to work through all those feelings first before you can even answer a question Or even, you know, exist in that moment. ([Time 0:44:01](https://share.snipd.com/snip/ea797d46-cc33-46ce-97d0-8472c3c35e51)) --- Title: 150 - Relationship Anarchy 101 Author: Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships Tags: readwise, podcasts date: 2024-01-30 --- # 150 - Relationship Anarchy 101 ![rw-book-cover](https://wsrv.nl/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmegaphone.imgix.net%2Fpodcasts%2F6c909720-2f0e-11e9-a20c-33258e821e00%2Fimage%2FPodcast_Image_2023__1_.jpg%3Fixlib%3Drails-4.3.1%26max-w%3D3000%26max-h%3D3000%26fit%3Dcrop%26auto%3Dformat%2Ccompress&w=100&h=100) URL:: https://share.snipd.com/episode/9ffd9703-6845-4c21-b7c4-8dd2d0650865 Author:: Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships ## AI-Generated Summary None ## Highlights > Episode AI notes > 1. Relationship anarchy challenges the notion that love is limited to couples and can instead be felt for multiple people. > 2. Love is abundant and every relationship is unique. > 3. Don't rank and compare people and relationships. > 4. Cherish the individual and your connection to them. > 5. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. > 6. Each relationship is independent and a relationship between autonomous individuals. > 7. Many people pursue monogamy, marriage, having a home, or having kids out of fear of being alone or fear of missing out rather than genuine desire. > 8. There is a widespread fear of having a different life from others, leading to a sense of inadequacy. > 9. Setting guidelines based on personal core values and constitution can help navigate difficult situations. > 10. Sticking to personal guidelines can prevent harm to partners and preserve one's values. > 11. Taking time to process emotions before responding or making decisions is important. ([Time 0:00:00](https://share.snipd.com/episode-takeaways/44f32fc5-8b93-4e00-86b9-a0789f3b57b8)) > Love as Abundance: Exploring Relationship Anarchy > Summary: > Love is abundant and relationships are unique. Relationship anarchy challenges the notion that love is limited to couples and can instead be felt for multiple people. Don't rank or compare relationships, but instead cherish each individual and their connection to you. No one needs to be named primary for a relationship to be valid. Each relationship is independent and between autonomous individuals. > Transcript: > Speaker 1 > Love is abundant and every relationship is unique. Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have capacity to love more than one person and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another. Don't rank and compare people and relationships. Cherish the individual and your connection to them. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. Each relationship is independent and a relationship between autonomous individuals. ([Time 0:06:40](https://share.snipd.com/snip/dead8739-8e72-463a-b382-c2ac3c60ff4f)) > The Fear of Being Alone and Wanting What You Don't Want > Summary: > Many people are led to monogamy, marriage, having a home, or having kids not because they truly desire it, but out of fear of being alone and not having what others have. This fear stems from a societal belief that having a different life from others is a negative thing. This fear is pervasive. > Transcript: > Speaker 1 > There are many people out there who are led either to monogamy or maybe to marriage or to having a home or to having kids less out of I really want this to happen. I really want this for my life and more out of I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of everyone else getting these things and me not getting them, which is related to or wanting what you don't want episode that there can be this very human fear of my life looks Different from everybody else's life, at least on the surface. And that must be a bad thing. And it's so incredibly pervasive. It's so pervasive. ([Time 0:23:42](https://share.snipd.com/snip/7ae35ba0-9ba7-41a2-b152-ce5c6327ae89)) > Setting guidelines and core values in difficult situations > Summary: > In difficult situations, it's helpful to imagine how the strong and enlightened versions of yourself would handle them. By setting guidelines for your behavior based on your core values and constitution, you can adhere to them even when feeling insecure or jealous. This allows you to avoid hurting your partner or compromising your values. Take time to process your feelings afterwards, rather than feeling the need to resolve them before responding to a situation. > Transcript: > Speaker 2 > So I think in addition to what Dedeker was saying about in those hard situations, trying to imagine like, what is the strong me going to do? Right? What is the enlightened me going to do here? That instead is when you are feeling good, setting those guidelines, which could look like things in your constitution, like Dedeker did, or you know, getting clear on what your core Values are and how you want to respond to different situations to sort of set those up as guidelines for yourself. So even when you're really not feeling it, even if you are feeling really insecure or really jealous or whatever, you know that I have this guideline about what I am and I'm not going to Do. So I'm going to stick to that right now, just so I'm not hurting my partner or I'm not compromising my values. And then I'm going to take some time to work through how I feel about it, instead of feeling like you need to work through all those feelings first before you can even answer a question Or even, you know, exist in that moment. ([Time 0:44:01](https://share.snipd.com/snip/ea797d46-cc33-46ce-97d0-8472c3c35e51))