# 287 - Getting Closure
URL:: https://share.snipd.com/episode/32276030-a84a-4f36-8b7d-2306210b3144
Author:: Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships
## AI-Generated Summary
None
## Highlights
> Closure bias
> Summary:
> Intense need for closure in seeking answers can lead to bias by selecting only supporting evidence, sticking to the first answer found, getting stuck in a particular way of thinking despite new information, and neglecting to verify the reliability of sources.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 1
> The need for getting some kind of firm answers is universal. However, having too intensive a need for understanding closure can cause bias to show up in your pursuit of answers. So for example, they found that that kind of really intense need for closure, that really intense need for answers would produce some behavior such as selecting only evidence that Supports the first answer that you come up with. You know, like you're just so desperate for getting an answer that it's like the first reliable seeming answer that I come across. I'm just going to stick with that. Things like getting stuck in one way of thinking in spite of new information or not checking the reliability of a source. ([Time 0:12:01](https://share.snipd.com/snip/65664494-f2a0-4153-8498-a70f31a74687))
> Increased Need for Closure: Effects of Stress, Fatigue, and Information Overload
> Summary:
> Situations involving stress, fatigue, noise, and information overload can amplify the urge for closure.
> The pressure to seek opinions from others, especially in a social media setting where everyone is compelled to express their views promptly, can heighten the need for closure. This intensified need for closure can lead to biases, poorer decision-making, and reduced accuracy in processing information.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 3
> Anything that's kind of more in flux where people have maybe more stress or more fatigue that is happening. Even a noisier environment, more information coming at all angles, at us from at once. And I just like feeling like we need to get opinions from everyone to increase our need for closure. All of those things can increase our need for closure.
> Speaker 2
> Well, specifically if we feel like we need to give an opinion and I think I see this one a lot on social media. Where kind of everyone feels like they're required to give an opinion about everything that happens as it happens. And that that actually that feeling of I need to give an opinion on this increases your need for closure. Which as we said before can increase your susceptibility to bias and actually making worse decisions and finding less accurate information. ([Time 0:18:34](https://share.snipd.com/snip/e9d34998-03ad-4f9c-bbee-0795db697c2e))
> The Importance of Finding Closure and Understanding in Decision Making
> Summary:
> Quickly finding closure in decision making can lead to jumping to conclusions and not verifying information thoroughly, while maintaining closure can make it difficult to change one's mind or consider alternative solutions.
> Having a strong need for closure may result in ignoring contradictory information and favoring confirming information. Balancing the need for closure and understanding is crucial, as having either too strong or too weak of a need for closure can pose problems.
> Working towards finding a middle ground in decision-making processes is essential for making well-rounded and informed choices.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 2
> Finding is about getting that answer quickly, which we talked about. You know, you jump to conclusions. You don't verify your information is thoroughly things like that. And then keeping is about holding on to that closure because now that I have it, I don't want to let it go. And if I have a strong need for closure, changing my mind or realizing this might not be the right solution can be scary and can be upsetting. So it's that thing of ignoring information that contradicts it and favoring information that confirms it.
> Speaker 1
> So we've set up the fact that it could be a problem if you have too strong of a need for closure for understanding for answers. It could be a problem if you also have too weak of a need for closure understanding answers. So we can work on taking actions that helps bring all that to the middle, forging a middle path forward as it were. ([Time 0:21:30](https://share.snipd.com/snip/9be57047-c230-49ce-bfc1-b0d24d305acb))
> Acceptance not closure
> Summary:
> Many psychologists and counselors believe that the concept of closure can hinder the grieving process rather than help.
> Grief is a fluctuating process that does not follow a linear path. Seeking closure can prevent one from moving forward in a healthy manner.
> This can lead to feelings of guilt for not being completely healed.
> Instead of focusing on closure, it is more beneficial to focus on acceptance of the unpredictable nature of grief and allow oneself to move through the process at their own pace.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 3
> Many psychologists and counselors believe that calling it closure, just saying like the word closure, can actually hurt our ability to process grief more than it helps process grief, Which is really interesting. So closure just implies that something is done. It's complete. We're over and really grief. If you have ever lost anyone and I think all three of us have, that's just not how it works. It comes in waves. There are some days it's much more apparent than others and it is unpredictable completely. So just seeking that type of closure where we end up sort of preventing ourselves from proactively and healthfully moving forward through the grieving process is probably not what We ultimately want. So it can cause us to feel this guilt also for not being totally fine about it. And yeah, I mean, geez, I've felt that before for sure. Like, well, I'm not over it yet. What's wrong with me? But really, as I said, it's completely unpredictable. So we're going to talk more about acceptance as opposed to just this word closure. ([Time 0:29:50](https://share.snipd.com/snip/834faa6b-5c7e-4762-9fa2-13fb3cdded81))
> The Myth of Closure by Bob Livingston
> Summary:
> Grief and loss are not something to move on from entirely or close the door on, according to Bob Livingston.
> He promotes focusing on healthy grieving and finding a new way of life living with grief, rather than seeking closure. Living with grief in a healthy manner is a proactive process that requires continuous effort, rather than a one-time solution to close the chapter on grief and loss.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 2
> So there's a great article called The Myth of Closure by Bob Livingston, who's a social worker in San Francisco. And in the article, he emphasizes that grief and loss are not something that we move on from entirely. It's not a book that gets closed or something that gets packed up in a box with a bow and put away forever. Instead of seeking to let go or close the door on these experiences, instead, he encourages us to focus on healthy grieving and then finding ways to create a new way of life, essentially, A new healthy way of life and living with that grief where it doesn't show up as a destructive force in our lives. And that that's a proactive process to get there and not just something you can kind of get one answer or do one thing and then boom, it's closed and it's done forever. ([Time 0:31:04](https://share.snipd.com/snip/a62c7d72-f886-4744-8d32-24d15f89388b))
> Tasks in the Grieving Process
> Summary:
> Grieving can be viewed as a series of tasks to be completed: accepting the finality of the loss, acknowledging and expressing a range of emotions, adjusting to a life without the lost element, and saying goodbye to achieve peace and understanding.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 3
> One way of understanding the work to be done in the grieving process is to think of grieving as a series of tasks that we need to complete. So not necessarily in this sequence, but let's talk about four different things that you can do. So the first is to accept the finality of the loss that maybe it is this is it and it's not going to come back. And you know, that relationship where that person is no longer going to be in my life and accept that and acknowledge and express the full range of feelings we experience as a result of The loss, which that's an overwhelming idea, I think, to a lot of us, because there's going to be a lot of emotion involved there. Maybe potential depression from that, you know, a huge amount of feelings that we just discussed and then even other things as well can come up. Also adjusting number three is adjusting to a life in which the lost person object or experience is absent. And that does as we say, take time, but it's another sort of thing that you have to understand and get through in this process of grieving. And then finally say goodbye or ritualize this moment and ritualize a movement to a new piece with the loss. So come to some sort of peace and understanding about the loss being present in your life. ([Time 0:41:49](https://share.snipd.com/snip/4c9f278a-7309-4a4d-86ec-c8959724f649))
## New highlights added April 4, 2024 at 5:48 PM
> The Impact of Grief on Productivity
> Summary:
> The culture's intense focus on productivity can lead to challenges in grieving periods as individuals are often expected to return to work quickly.
> However, it is crucial to understand that during times of grief, productivity may decrease, and it is essential to turn towards self-compassion and self-acceptance. Acknowledging that productivity levels may not be the same during periods of mourning is key to navigating through the grieving process.
> Transcript:
> Speaker 1
> It includes also expecting and accepting that your productivity is going to be decreased. I do think that part of these issues are the fact that we live in a culture that is so productivity focused, which is why great you get to bereavement days and sure go ahead and grieve, but You better come to work at the same time. You know, and I understand that not a lot of people necessarily have that choice. Unfortunately, you know, a lot of people are able to necessarily take the time off work. However, I think that there can be some turning towards self compassion and self acceptance that like during this time your productivity is probably going to be not the same as it normally Is. ([Time 0:44:55](https://share.snipd.com/snip/436a751f-fdea-4d30-93f9-dc016029da49))
## New highlights added April 5, 2024 at 5:58 PM
> Episode AI notes
> 1. Closure bias can lead to sticking to the first answer found, neglecting to verify sources, and getting stuck in a particular way of thinking despite new information.
> 2. Situations involving stress, fatigue, and information overload can amplify the urge for closure, leading to biases and reduced accuracy in decision-making.
> 3. Balancing the need for closure and understanding is crucial in decision-making processes to make well-rounded and informed choices.
> 4. Focusing on acceptance rather than closure in the grieving process can allow for healthy movement forward and acknowledging the fluctuating nature of grief.
> 5. Grief and loss should be approached as a process of healthy grieving, rather than seeking closure, emphasizing continuous effort and living with grief in a proactive manner.
> 6. It is important to acknowledge that productivity levels may decrease during times of grief, and practicing self-compassion is essential to navigate through the grieving process. ([Time 0:00:00](https://share.snipd.com/episode-takeaways/bb799173-2aa4-400d-ae10-e0041aac18eb))