# 460 - Multiamory Presents — Navigating Jealousy in Non-Monogamy ![rw-book-cover](https://wsrv.nl/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmegaphone.imgix.net%2Fpodcasts%2F6c909720-2f0e-11e9-a20c-33258e821e00%2Fimage%2FPodcast_Image_2023__1_.jpg%3Fixlib%3Drails-4.3.1%26max-w%3D3000%26max-h%3D3000%26fit%3Dcrop%26auto%3Dformat%2Ccompress&w=100&h=100) URL:: https://share.snipd.com/episode/d5529f55-773b-40f8-b5aa-53857d88d083 Author:: Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships ## AI-Generated Summary None ## Highlights > Jealousy and Love > Summary: > Jealousy may not always be a sign of love, but rather an indication that there are stakes involved in the relationship. > It is not essential for people in secure relationships to feel jealousy, but feeling secure enough to be vulnerable about jealousy can signify a loving and attached relationship. > Transcript: > Speaker 3 > Is jealousy a sign of love? > Speaker 1 > I love that question. So a few years ago, when we were doing the research for our attachment styles episode, we found that the mainstream school of thought is that jealousy is a sign of a secure attachment, Which is so interesting. So most of the research on attachment styles has been done either on parents and children. That was the foundation of creating attachment theory or on mostly monogamous couples. And so I remember first reading this and us being like, what? That's bullshit. Like really? That can't be true. And I think that my thought has changed a lot on that over the years. So initially it was like, yeah, but I know all of these non monogamous people in relationship who don't feel jealousy and clearly are very secure. So it's not that jealousy has to be present in order to indicate that there's a secure relationship. But now I think I've realized that it's not that people in loving secure attached relationships never feel jealous. But I do think there is something about feeling safe enough to be vulnerable about that jealousy. You know, to even know that it's occurring. Yeah. And so is it a sign of love? I will say, I think it's a sign that there's some stakes here for you in the relationship. I don't think that this applies to necessarily 100% of relationships ([Time 0:28:07](https://share.snipd.com/snip/02cb3341-9ec5-4d67-9dd3-04299ca6e66e)) ## New highlights added March 8, 2024 at 2:13 PM > Episode AI notes > 1. Jealousy can be a sign that there are stakes involved in the relationship. > 2. Feeling secure enough to be vulnerable about jealousy can signify a loving and attached relationship. ([Time 0:00:00](https://share.snipd.com/episode-takeaways/9aaddbb5-b660-42d9-a5bc-c947a39ef1ef))