%% Last Updated: - [[2021-02-11]] tags: [] %% Author: [[Valerie Young]] Full Title: The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women  ### Highlights first synced by [[Readwise]] [[2020-09-03]] >The very nature of creative work makes those who do it vulnerable to feeling inadequate, especially if you are not formally trained. For one, your work is highly public. ([Location 520](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=520)) > Girls who attend single-sex schools have higher career aspirations than both boys and girls at coed schools. ([Location 599](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=599)) > Studies repeatedly show that if you attended a women’s college, you are likely to have higher self-esteem and more intellectual self-confidence than your counterparts at coed institutions. The same is true for African Americans who attend historically black colleges. ([Location 600](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=600)) > The simple inclusion of a check box for gender on a math test causes women to perform worse than men. ([Location 871](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=871)) > four coping and protecting mechanisms: diligence and hard work, holding back, charm, and [[Procrastination]].1 In my own work I’ve observed three more: maintaining a low or ever-changing profile, never finishing, and self-sabotage. ([Location 972](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=972)) ^1e13a3 > If you work in a job or field where it’s impossible to remain safely under the radar, you have to find another way to take care of yourself. So you unconsciously adopt an ever-changing profile. As an impostor you feel like you have a big target on your back. What better way to dodge those you believe have overestimated your abilities than to make yourself a moving target? ([Location 1024](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1024)) > If you never push yourself intellectually, you avoid the humiliation of trying and coming up short. ([Location 1099](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1099)) > By constantly changing jobs, you protect yourself from finding out whether you could have gone higher. ([Location 1101](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1101)) > When you hear these stories, do you think these individuals are any less capable? Do you now perceive them as less deserving of their success? As frauds? Of course not. Then why would you think this when serendipity plays a role in your own success? ([Location 1258](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1258)) > having a knack for knowing when to act—and then doing it—is a skill in itself. ([Location 1302](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1302)) > When you think about it, there’s an element of arrogance involved in the impostor syndrome. After all, what you’re really saying is You people are so stupid you don’t even realize I’m inept! ([Location 1350](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1350)) > To the contrary, rewards are not reserved only for the victories. If you gave something your best shot, you still deserve kudos for effort. ([Location 1360](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1360)) > In an article on the prevalence of the impostor syndrome among women in the high-tech sector, former national director of DigitalEve Canada Jennifer Evans makes the case that a “lack of confidence is a more critical ingredient to women not advancing in technical fields than is their lack of formal education in technology itself.” ([Location 1597](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1597)) > Competence doesn’t mean knowing how to do everything yourself. Instead, competence means knowing how to identify the resources needed to get the job done. ([Location 1673](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1673)) > The major behavioral change for the Superwoman/Student can be summed up in two words: Do less. ([Location 1746](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1746)) > Treat a male student badly and he will think you’re a jerk. Treat a female student badly and she will think you have finally discovered that she doesn’t belong in engineering.          —Dr. Sheila Widnall, professor of aeronautics and astronautics at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and former secretary of the U.S. Air Force ([Location 1816](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1816)) > Boys got other not necessarily healthy messages. For example, one reason men may be more resilient to criticism is that they grew up hearing more of it. When Stanford researcher Carol Dweck and her team observed grade schools, they saw boys receive eight times more criticism for their conduct than girls. ([Location 1907](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=1907)) > Competitive success can be especially loaded for females because winning violates the code of caring. ([Location 2089](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=2089)) > For all the progress we’ve made, management experts Pat Heim and Susan Murphy observe, “women are somewhat more comfortable with a powerful woman who plays down her importance than one who does not.”16 ([Location 2305](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=2305)) > Fake it till you make it is more than a catchphrase. It’s actually been proven that pretending to act differently than you feel can cause you to feel differently. ([Location 2635](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=2635)) > If you work well under pressure, rather than responding to kudos by thinking, Fooled them again, instead think, I’m really good at pulling together useful information in a short period of time. ([Location 2872](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=2872)) > Emotionally speaking, women take death-defying leaps, plunges, and falls all the time—risks that would terrify most men. Just as men consider shooting the bull to be a fun pastime, you may feel the same about sharing. ([Location 3057](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=3057)) > In her autobiography, I’m Wild Again: Snippits from My Life and a Few Brazen Thoughts, Helen Gurley Brown wrote, “People think chutzpah is in the genes. It isn’t … it’s in the needing and longing and being willing to fall on your face. It isn’t fun … who wants all that rejection, but life is sweeter if you make yourself do uncomfortable things.” ([Location 3206](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004KPM1N0&location=3206))